Kira Asked: Am I actually depressed..?
I looked up the signs of depression and I realized that I have most of them and technically I have all of them but I'm not sure if I'm actually depressed or not because I get happy and I laugh.. I'm not sad all of the time.. I feel like I'm pretty normal.(By the way, I'm 15 and I'm copying these symptoms from Web MD)
1) Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood (which also ties into loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex) – I don't really enjoy anything.. I just had my mom tell me yesterday that it's weird that I don't have a favorite of anything at all. I don't like animals or anything.. parties.. I don't even like to socialize with my friends because it's just way too boring.. I'd rather stay home and just.. write or read.
2) Restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying – I get so annoyed with stupid people. Some people just say the dumbest things and I can't stand them -.- I cry at night a lot. I don't really like to cry in front of other people. But then it's not like I'm sad for days on end. Whenever I do cry (which is often) I play the piano to myself and I feel a lot better.
3) Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain – I'm not gaining weight, I'm losing it. This could be because I'm lazy orit could be because I'm never really that hungry. I don't eat breakfast, I have a hot pocket for lunch and I don't eat or drink anything else. Recently I've discovered that I have anemia and I was wondering if I had depression could the depression have caused it.
4) decreased energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down" – Ties in with number 3. I haven't been eating so I'm a lot slower than I used to be, can't stand up for long periods of time without getting tired.. I don't ever want to get out of bed kind of thing.
5) Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts – I've never actually tried to commit suicide, I thin I'm way too scared to do that but I do have at least 10 suicide notes hidden around my room.. a lot of them are in my closet. One of them is written on the blank side of my MJ poster. I think about suicide all the time. I wouldn't actually do it though.
6) Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions – This is more of the difficulty remembering thing. I can't remember what I did two days ago. Let alone a week. I can barely remember what I did earlier today.
7) Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain – Just the headaches. I have a headache right now .-.
Sleeping too much or too little, early-morning awakening – Both!! I tried to explain this to my mom(I didn't realize it was a symptom of depression at the time) and I was telling her that either I have to go to sleep at like 4 AM in the morning (to wake up at 6:15 AM) or go to sleep extremely early (maybe around 8 PM). It's because I either sleep too late or sleep too little.If I go to sleep right now (it's 4 AM) I'll probably wake up at 8 AM. If I had gone to sleep at 11 PM I would've woken up at about 1 PM.
9) Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism – This is the most evident symptom. One day after school I spent two hours in one of the private music rooms with the lights off, crying and tell myself I was worthless. It was the worst two hours I've ever experienced and I really don't ever break down like that in anywhere that's even close to being public.
One of the factors of the risks for depression that I know I have is losing a parent before the age of 10. Thanks for reading all of this and I really hope you could help me.